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Friends with benefits doesn’t really offer up the chance for intimacy, just a physical connection for the purpose of mutual satisfaction. Intimacy is on a totally different level and usually is only found within a long term relationship, but even then it can be lacking. But first, let’s start with the actual definition of intimacy. According to dictionary.com, intimacy is “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group; close or warm friendship or understanding.

Even being in a relationship, intimacy is something that can be lacking, though that’ usually not the case. There are plenty of ways to be intimate with a partner; maybe it’s curling up on the couch under a big blanket during a snow storm and sipping hot chocolate, or watching the ball game with friendly competition cheering for opposing teams.

Would I rather have a friend with benefits or a relationship stock full with intimacy? Well, why should I have to choose? I can have a friend with benefits and have just as much intimacy with him as I would (or possibly more) than I would with a prospective mate.

Sure, intimacy can make sex better, but so can communication. Intimacy isn’t the catch-all answer. Wouldn’t it be great if it were? Of course, but really, it’s something that you either have or you don’t. Just like whether or not you have chemistry with someone; it’s not something that you can force. People have tried and it’s turned into a disaster.

I don’t need to have that intimate connection to make the sex better. Sometimes there’s some other sort of connection, it’s not something that can really be put into words, but that does make a difference and it’s as if you’re blending the elements of the chemistry and intimacy between yourself and your partner to see what the results are.

Granted, I will admit that I can be a bit of a snob when it comes to sex and knowing what I want, knowing what I like. I don’t settle for mediocre. Perhaps what is working for me is a chemistry match with a side of intimacy.

~*~ Greenlee