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Virginity.

The one thing we women have been taught to value and protect since the beginning of time. That one thing that we are all born with and eventually lose. It is, supposedly, a state of being pure, unsullied or untouched. Throughout history, a woman’s worth was determined by whether she was a virgin or not and she had more value if she maintained her virginity until her wedding night.

Today, however, it seems that if you’re a virgin past a certain age it’s kind of embarrassing. People either think you’re kidding, or all of a sudden display an interest in dating you, sometimes in an attempt to change your status.

Speaking as a 26 year old virgin, (yes, you read that right) I have to admit that I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about the subject of virginity, sex and the media. It’s not pretty from my point of view.

I once made the mistake of stating my virgin status one night at a gathering last year and I was laughed at. Everyone thought I was kidding! When the chuckles and guffaws died down and they realized I was serious, they apologized. NOT for laughing, but for my apparent “sorry” status as a virgin. I actually got an “Oh I’m so sorry sweetie, and here we are talking about our sex lives in front of you. We’re sorry for embarrassing and shocking you.” Excuse me? I said I was a virgin, NOT an idiot. I know what sex is and I don’t have a problem listening to discussions about sex, putting in my two cents in (however limited it may be) or asking questions. However, it seems that they have a problem with my questions so I tend to keep them to myself.

I don’t particularly care to be looked at as if I’m an alien or for people to walk on egg shells because they don’t want to offend my “delicate” senses and though I’ve come a long way in terms of being ashamed, that doesn’t mean that I’m 100% immune to what society has conditioned females to think, especially when it comes to sex. I get embarrassed about virginity and the fact that I seem to be the only person in my circle who hasn’t had sex. At times I’m so self-conscious about it, I feel as if I have a big red “V” tattooed on my forehead.

What is so wrong with simply being curious? Just because I want to know something, doesn’t mean it’s because I want change my being a virgin over night. I simply want to know from someone who has obviously had more experience. If I can’t go to a friend for answers or opinions, then where or who do I turn to?

Naturally, you would think a doctor or even my mother would be the logical answer, but it isn’t. Be honest, do you actually think you could walk right up to either one of them and ask some of the most personal questions you’ll ever have? Think about it. Yeah, I didn’t think so. I love my mother and I’m close to her, but there are some things you just don’t feel comfortable discussing.

I don’t need the technicalities, I’ve known those since I was nine. What I need are the answers to the emotional, spiritual and mental aspects of sex. I’m a thorough person, I like to know what I’m getting myself into before hand, and given that I take intimacy very seriously, it’s only natural that I have questions. Questions that cannot be answered through rehearsed, standard phrases but rather through experience, honesty and trust.

I don’t want to come off as whining or complaining about my virginity though. Being a virgin isn’t something to be ashamed of. I’m certainly not, and it has nothing to do with antiquated beliefs that a female should be a virgin until she marries, because frankly, I don’t do marriage. I’ve never been the girl that dreamed of a wedding and a non-existent Prince Charming, but that’s a story for another time.

~*~ Adria

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